In Hopes of Dreaming
by Aster912
Summary: Years after Hogwarts, Lily Potter gives up the opportunity to arrest the Death Eater Severus Snape, in favor of giving him a chance to do the right thing, leaving Snape wondering why. LilySnape, non AU.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my third story. It has no direct correlation with my earlier stories, so there may be gaps between the two of them. You don't need to read the other two to understand this one.**

**All characters, plotlines, and places are copyright J.K. Rowling. All story content is original and my own. **

**Please read/review!**

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The dark corridor looked empty, but Lily wasn't taking any chances. She held her wand in front of her and tightened her grip on it, cursing the slickness of her sweaty palms. She had never been this nervous on a raid before.

She looked around her quickly, knowing that nobody would be there. The others were searching the upstairs. Lily knew that their quarry wouldn't be hiding up there, where anyone could find him. He would have built himself a priest's hole in the basement. He would surely be holed up in there – waiting for her.

She did not even light her wand as she softly opened the door to what she knew would be the basement. Her eyes would adjust to the dim light in time, and far off, down the steps, she could see the flickering light of a candle. Nimbly, she took the stairs two at a time, and landed on soft dirt, glancing all around her warily.

The basement was empty. She had known it would be. Her fingers sought the edges of the rock. Where was the spring? She knew she would find it eventually. Her fingers touched a piece of rock that wasn't quite as solid as the others. Did she dare?

She hesitated only a moment. Her fingers tapped the rock with resolve. There was a low, grinding noise, and the wall slid open upon itself.

Standing inside, eyes like glittering black pieces of coal, was Severus Snape. His wand was pointed at her throat.

"I should have known you would be the only one to find me," he said quietly, "Is anyone else down here with you?"

"No," Lily answered just as quietly, aiming her wand at his heart.

"Strange of you not to come down with backup," Severus commented, his eyes hard, "Isn't that one of the first things they teach you during Stealth and Tracking? Never to go in alone or unarmed?"

"Listen to me," Lily said, "I came down alone on purpose. I came because I want to give you a chance."

Was there a flicker of surprise in Severus' eyes? She couldn't tell. If there was, it vanished in an instant.

"I don't understand you," he replied, his face expressionless. He was going to make this as difficult as possible.

Lily watched him, "I want you to get out of here and to do the right thing, Severus. I'm sure you understand that."

"What do you care what happens to me one way or another?" Severus asked silkily, "I was under the impression that you didn't care one way or another what happened to me."

"Severus, don't do this."

His expression didn't alter. Lily felt her blood pressure rising.

Has he really become that cold? she wondered. Anything was possible at this point. So much had happened in the four years since they'd graduated from school. She had not seen him since then.

Severus had changed, since she'd last seen him. His long black hair had grown even more unkempt, if possible, and his clothes were ratty and dirty, as if they hadn't been washed in quite some time. His face looked drawn and wan, as if he hadn't had much sleep as of late. But his eyes were as bright and alert as they had always been. As Lily remembered them.

"What would you have me do, Lily? Give up? Hand you my wand and turn myself in?" Severus sneered, "I'll take my chances, if it's all the same to you."

Lily let out a low sound of frustration.

"What do I have to say or do to get through to you?" she asked.

"If you're really here to help me," Severus said, "you'll put your wand down and speak to me like you'd speak to anyone else."

"You know I can't do that."

"You put your wand away," he replied, "and I'll put away mine."

Lily slowly moved her wand down towards her waist. Severus mimicked her. Their wands hung by their sides, dangling from their fingers treacherously. Both of them were as tense as springs, reading to leap into action at any moment. But for now, a silent truce was called.

"There isn't any time," Lily murmured urgently, "They know who you are working for."

"How astute of them."

"There's no time for your sarcasm right now! Don't you understand? We've been authorized to kill you if we find you. You know I wouldn't do that, but the others would, and if they find you, you're as good as dead. You have to get out of here. I'm sure you have a back escape. Use it. Get out of here. Find Dumbledore; he can help you. There's still time – to fix things."

Severus' black eyes narrowed into slits.

"Why are you trying to help me?" he asked, "Forgive me for being overly suspicious, but considering the fact that we have barely spoken in the past six years, I hardly think that you would risk your life and your job to help me, as you put it."

Lily did not know what to say.

In her heart of hearts, she knew that Severus would not kill her. Oh, he might want to, might even think that he could bring himself to do so. But she knew that he could not. Too much had happened – even if it had all happened so many years ago. The entire situation cried out for explanation – but they did not have time.

"I think you know exactly why I'm doing this," she said, "And you know that we haven't got any time."

Severus felt his resolve weakening. He did not want it to; he knew that the faltering of the wall he had put up so many years ago could very well mean that he was setting himself up to be destroyed. He had scraped his way out of many a tight space before. He knew that there would be many more roadblocks ahead of him. But the toughest to surmount stood in front of him – a slip of a twenty-one year old girl.

How on earth could she have not aged in four years? She had cut gorgeous mane of red hair short and she was thinner than she had been; a result of eating on the run and of constantly pursuing lawbreakers. But her green eyes were still as lively as ever, and she was still the prettiest woman that Severus had ever seen – with the exception of Narcissa, the wife of his old school friend Lucius Malfoy. Secretly, though, Severus had always thought Lily Evans was much prettier than Narcissa.

_Not Lily Evans_, he reminded himself. _Lily Potter. Potter._ His jaw set.

"I hear you married James Potter last summer," he said off-handedly.

Lily closed her eyes momentarily, "Is this really the time to talk about this?"

"It seems to be as good a time as any."

"I hardly thought that it would matter to you," she retorted, "After all, don't forget that it was you – "

Footsteps echoed over their heads. Lily and Severus froze, both of their eyes flickering to the ceiling and then back to each other.

"There's no time," Lily said, "I have to go. What's it going to be?"

Severus looked wary, "You mean you're going to let me go?"

There was a hardness around Lily's eyes. She looked sick, as if she was making a very difficult decision, one she didn't want to make.

"Yes," she replied, somewhat reluctantly, "I'm letting you go."

But then she leaned closer to him, her wand pointed at his chest.

"You know what you have to do to keep me from arresting you," she said, her voice low, "I don't want to have to do that. But I will."

She turned and stopped at the foot of the stairs, looking back at him.

"You know the right thing to do," she said.

She hurried up the stairs and threw open the basement door.

Severus stepped back into his priest's hole and closed it. He could hear muffled voices upstairs.

"Nothing on the third floor!" a man's voice called. Severus recognized that voice. It was Ned Longbottom.

"Second floor's secure!" Severus didn't recognize that voice.

"Lily? Anyone in the basement?"

Severus' teeth clenched. James Potter – in his house! It took all of his resolve not to scarper up the stairs and show his old arch nemesis who trespassed in the Snape house. But he stopped himself. Breathing hard, he strained his ears to listen.

"There's nothing!" Lily said. She sounded tense, breathless, as if she had been searching as hard as she could and was upset at finding nothing. Severus felt an unbidden flicker of admiration at Lily's very potent acting. She was better at her job than the lot of them, and they didn't even know it.

"Snape must have known we were coming and fled," James Potter's voice came again.

"Let's get out of here."

Severus held his breath as footsteps crossed the floor. The door opened, and then shut. Everything was silent once again.

Cramped and uncomfortable though he was, he did not leave his priest's hole. There was always the chance that someone would have lagged behind, hiding in a corner, waiting to see if their suspicions were right after all, to see if Severus would be careless and abandon his hiding place prematurely. An amateur's mistake. Severus Snape was no amateur at what he did.

But if they were searching his house, then they already had their suspicions of who they were looking for, and what he was doing. He could evade them, he knew this; they thought they knew exactly what his plans were, but they weren't, not really.

He knew that his capture would have made Lily Evans – Lily Potter – one of the most celebrated Aurors in the Ministry's program. He'd been tracking her progress in the newspapers ever since she'd been made an Auror three years ago. She was the best at what she did; nobody else even came close. But because she was a woman, she was never taken quite as seriously as that idiot, James Potter, or his friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and the rest of their kind.

Capturing a known Death Eater single-handedly would have earned her the respect she was so worthy of already. The Ministry couldn't fail to see her qualities.

But then – why would she give up this chance?

Severus closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about Lily now. He didn't want to remember.

He had to decide what to do.

But to decide the right path was to have to think of Lily.

He put his fingers to his throbbing temples, rubbing them to break up some of the pain. He had pretended for so long that he didn't remember anything that had happened. But it was all a lie.

He remembered.


	2. Chapter 2

September.

Severus Tobias Snape, eleven years old, stood for the first time on Platform 9 ¾ . It was unusually chilly for the first day of September, when it wasn't even fall yet. His held his knapsack closer and pulled his skinny arms around him for warmth.

He'd been waiting for this day almost his entire life. He felt a shiver of excitement run through him. He was finally going to get away from home and be with people of his own kind – people like his mother.

Eileen Snape stood behind him, looking tired, bedraggled, and nervous – so unlike the other mothers standing on Platform 9 ¾ to see their children off. Her long dark hair, already thinning and going to gray, was partially hidden and bunched up under a large hat. Her robes were faded – it had been a long time since she had had new ones. Her long fingers were clawed into Severus' shoulder. He squirmed a little, hoping she'd let him go, but she held fast.

There was a low whistling sound. The train was pulling up to the platform. Everyone standing around began to cheer. Severus' heart leaped into his chest.

Eileen turned him around so he was facing her and grabbed his shoulders. Severus winced, but didn't pull away.

"Listen to me," Eileen said urgently, "This is your one chance. Your ONE CHANCE to make a first impression. Do you understand me? School is going to shape who you are for the rest of your life. Don't mess it up by getting in with the wrong people. Don't end up having to settle for anything."

The words "as I did," hung in the air, but Eileen did not say them. She turned Severus back around and gave him a push towards the train. Severus stumbled a bit, but ran away from her eagerly, joining the throng of other students as they climbed aboard the train.

But once he was on, his excitement faded back into nervousness. Who to sit with? He walked through the corridor, noticing that most of the carriages were already filled with laughing students, showing of their summer prizes, eager to see each other again. He felt a flutter of fear. What if he could find nobody to sit with?

Finally, he reached the last carriage. He peered into it. There was nobody in it except for a girl about his age, with long red hair. Severus didn't dare open the door. But before he could turn back, she looked up and saw him through the glass.

She smiled.

"Are you looking for a seat?" she asked, "There's plenty of room in here."

Severus felt surge of gratefulness. He opened the door of the carriage and sat across from the girl, tossing his knapsack above him on the rack. "Thanks," he said.

"No problem," the girl replied, "Are you a first year, too?"

Severus nodded. She beamed.

"I'm really glad. Everyone else seems to know somebody or other and I just felt so out of place. My name's Lily Evans, by the way."

"Mine's Severus. Severus Snape."

Lily Evans mock-pouted, "You have an interesting name, like everyone else. I wish my parents had been a little more creative."

"What's wrong with Lily? It's a nice name."

"My parents didn't worry much about interesting names. They named my sister and I after flowers," Lily made a face, "How incredibly remedial can you get?"

Severus laughed, "What's your sister's name?"

"Petunia."

"Is she here?"

"Petunia?" Lily laughed, "No. She isn't a witch at all."

Severus was confused, "She's not?"

"Not a bit. And she's been a right git ever since I got my letter, saying I was going away to school. Calling me a freak and all sorts of other things. I think she's embarrassed to have me in the family."

Severus finally realized what Lily was going on about.

"You're Muggle-born, aren't you?"

"Muggle-born?"

"It means your from a – a non-wizarding family."

"Oh," Lily replied, "Yeah, I guess that's what you would say. I mean, nobody else in my family has magical powers." She smiled, "But it's okay. I like being the only one. Makes me feel different, you know?"

Severus felt torn. Growing up, he'd never been allowed to associate with Muggle children. His mother thought they were a bad influence, and his father, Tobias, was never around long enough to lay down any rules. This, Severus thought darkly, was probably why he had no friends.

His thoughts drifted back to standing on the platform with his mother. He knew that, when she'd mentioned making good decisions, getting in with the right people, she hadn't meant Muggle-borns.

But here was Lily Evans, the nicest girl he'd ever met – and the prettiest, he thought, as a flush crept up his neck. Her eyes were huge and bright green, and they sparkled when she talked. Her face was animated and lively. She was honest when she talked to him.

Mum might have told him not to associate with people like Lily.

But Mum wasn't going to be at school.

Lily seemed to sense his hesitation. He hadn't realized that the silence in the carriage had been deafening, that he'd never answered her last question.

"So! Um – you're not – not Muggle-born, right?" she asked, by way of filling the silence.

"What? Oh! No, no I'm not," Severus replied, "I'm – well, I'm half and half. My mum's a witch. My dad's a Muggle."

"That's really interesting," Lily replied, "Your mother married a Muggle."

Severus was always wary of this topic when it came up in conversation. He was pretty sure that Lily Evans, being a Muggle herself, wouldn't be judgmental. But he knew a lot of other people would.

"What's your mother like?" Lily asked, folding her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"Like every other mum, I guess."

"That can't be true. It must be fascinating, growing up the son of a witch. I wish that – well, I mean, I love my parents, but they don't understand what I am, you know? There was always some difference, between Petunia and I. Well, besides the fact that she's a right git, of course." Lily laughed, infectiously. Severus felt himself smiling, unbidden.

The door to the carriage opened, and two boys meandered in. One was tall, with longish dark hair and a good-looking face. The other was much shorter, with short, messy black hair and hazel eyes, made owlish by a pair of oversized glasses.

"Oh, hello," the tall boy greeted them, "I didn't know there was anybody in here. Mind if we join you? Everywhere else is pretty much full."

Severus felt nervous the minute they walked in. The short boy had his magic wand tucked inside his back pocket – they were obviously from wizarding stock. He hoped fervently that Lily didn't make any references to his mother.

"Not at all," Lily replied, "We don't mind, do we, Severus?"

"No," Severus answered. His mouth had gone inexplicably dry.

"Thanks," the short boy sat down next to Lily. Severus felt a flash of jealousy. The tall boy sat down next to him and crossed his legs.

"Oh! I'm sorry," the short boy said, sticking out his hand to Lily, "My name is James Potter. The guy with no manners across from me is Sirius Black."

Severus' heart sank even lower. Potter and Black were both old wizarding names. They would be sure to spot him immediately.

"I'm Lily Evans," Lily replied, shaking his proffered hand, "And this is Severus Snape."

Sirius Black shook Severus' hand, "A pleasure."

James Potter shook his hand as well, but his eyes were narrowed behind his glasses, "Snape," he said, "That's not a wizarding name, is it?"

"N-no," Severus stammered, "No, it's not."

"He's half-and-half," Lily piped up, "His mum's a witch."

"Doesn't matter, does it?" James replied easily, "We're not fussed about bloodlines here. Good to meet you, Snape."

A ridiculous rush of relief flowed through Severus. He tried to relax, but he was far too jumpy. Sirius and James made him nervous the way that Lily hadn't. He wanted to participate in their conversation, but he couldn't bring himself to. His old shyness reared its ugly head again.

The other three made small talk for a few minutes. Then Sirius dozed off, and Lily took out one of her schoolbooks and began reading. Severus did the same. He didn't want anyone to think that he was more awkward than he was.

* * *

Darkness fell. 

The train finally arrived at Hogsmeade, and the four of them jumped out, and were ushered into horseless carriages. Severus wanted to climb in with Lily, James and Sirius. But as he watched them, a jostling of fourth-year students got in his way, and they were separated.

"Look! New fish!" one of them crowed, grabbing the neck of Severus' robes.

"Let me go!" Severus shouted, wrenching himself free.

"Feisty, ain't he?" another one of them jeered, "Oi, Malfoy!"

The tallest boy turned to look down his nose at Severus. His hair was white-blonde, pulled back into a ponytail, and his eyes were steel gray, cold.

"What do I care?" he asked offhandedly, "Looks like a street urchin Muggle to me. Let him alone; I'm sure we'll run into him at school later on in the year, and we'll deal with him then."

Severus' face burned.

"I'm not a Muggle," he said loudly, before he could even think.

The blonde boy and his friends began laughing, and they turned their backs on him again.

Severus seethed the entire way to school. Once inside the Great Hall, he felt small, dwarfed, and shy once again. Off in one corner, he could see Sirius and James laughing together. He watched them enviously. They didn't seem to fear anything. If only he could be like that!

Across the room, he saw Lily. Her vibrant hair made her stand out from the crowd. She was talking animatedly to a tired-looking tall boy with long brown hair. Severus longed to stand next to her – at least he'd have someone to speak to – but just at that moment, Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.

"I shall now call you up to be Sorted," she announced.

For a few minutes, Severus heard nothing. All he could think about was the hope that he would be Sorted into the same house as James, Lily, and Sirius.

"Black, Sirius!"

Sirius swaggered up to the chair good-naturedly, and placed the hat upon his head.

"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted.

Sirius grinned, bounced off the chair, and ran to join the others at the Gryffindor table.

Severus watched them enviously. He stared around the room. Most of the tables looked inviting, but the Gryffindor table was the one he wanted to be at. The Gryffindors all looked boisterous and friendly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the blonde fourth year sitting in the very center of the Slytherin table, not even paying attention. Severus shivered.

_I'll do anything if I'm not in Slytherin_, he thought desperately.

"Evans, Lily!"

Severus whipped around to watch. Lily Evans did not even look self-conscious as she bounced up to the platform and took the hat for herself.

"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat cried again.

Lily's face broke into a radiant smile. She skipped off the platform and sat down, a little further down the table from Sirius.

Names were called. Severus did not pay attention.

"All right there, Snape?"

It was James Potter. He had sidled up to him and was talking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Which house are you hoping for?" he asked.

Severus thought quickly. It wouldn't do to let James think that he was hoping to get into the same house that he was. It might make him look even more unpopular than he was.

"Oh – I really don't care," he said offhandedly.

James looked incredulous, "Are you serious? Of course you should want Gryffindor, it's by far the best house. I mean, you can't possibly want to be in Slytherin."

It was amazing how he could convey his opinion for Slytherin House in just one sentence. Severus shivered.

"No," he replied automatically, "no, I wouldn't want to be in Slytherin."

"Potter, James!"

Without another word, James Potter bounded up to the platform. The hat took only a second on his head before it loudly proclaimed him a Gryffindor as well. Severus noticed that James did not spare him even a look as he sauntered over to the Gryffindor table. Severus didn't even listen as the tired-looking boy, Remus Lupin, who had been speaking to Lily, stood up on the platform and was named a Gryffindor.

"Snape, Severus!"

His heart leaped into his chest. Was it just his imagination, or had the whole room gone silent? Severus felt his legs carry him up onto the platform. He sat in the chair and felt the hat rest on his head.

"Severus Snape," the hat said in a quiet voice. Severus jumped in shock, "Scared you, did I?" the hat jeered, "Well, where should I put you? By all accounts, I shouldn't even be asking you this – it's so painfully obvious."

_Gryffindor, please, Gryffindor_, Severus thought desperately.

The hat snickered, "Oh, I don't think Gryffindor would be a good fit for you at all, no, not in the least. I always put students where their talents will be best accepted. So – SLYTHERIN!"

Severus' heart sank into his shoes. He bowed his head and walked silently over to the Slytherin table. Everybody moved aside and gave him room to sit. But nobody sat beside him, either, or said a word to him.

He looked over at the Gryffindor table, at James, Sirius, and Lily. They all seemed to already be making friends.

Tears filled Severus' eyes. He angrily brushed them away. When was he ever going to learn that life was not fair?


End file.
